Mama's Got a Brand New Bag

While following Susan Wagner's What I'm Wearing pictures (addicted really, she's adorable, I love the cocked camera in the mirror, it's hard to look away) I came across her article about taking stock of what's in the closet. I was inspired. I knew there were some maternity pants lurking in the back and a few awkward sweaters my well meaning mother had given me for Christmas. I tried everything on. I was brutal, tossing things that I really thought I'd figure out how to make look good on my body someday, as well as shoes that I just love but have always given me blisters. But here's the twist: I added a step to Susan's instructions and included a clothing exchange party with some girlfriends. While I ate cheese and drank wine I watched the things that never worked on me take on new life.

oh that's how it's supposed to look

super cute as a preggo jacket!

It was such a fun afternoon, I highly recommend it. (And I actually didn't get a bag, I just liked the title. I did however get a coupla great sweaters, black flats and a cute red sundress which was a hit at my niece's 1st birthday party earlier this month.) We ended up with two or three hefty bags full of clothing to take to Goodwill, a bag for consignment and a special bag of formal wear and jewelry to donate to The Ruby Room. And we each walked away with a few choice pieces to add back in to the closet at home.

My closet feels streamlined and it's been a lot easier to get dressed in a hurry (which is the only way I get dressed now). There was some initial doubt about getting rid of a few items - nothing is more telling than watching a girlfriend try something on and say, this is cute! to make you feel that mine!mine! emotion. This is the very same emotion I'm watching develop in Liam (sans the pushing part) and it reminded me that although it's a human response, it is one we can mature beyond. Letting go and sharing, giving away and giving back, are all a part of our individual journey toward enlightenment (yep. i said enlightened. through closet purging) Being able to enjoy others appreciation for my stuff-that's-just-stuff, and really delight in seeing them shine in something that I could never make shine, was fascinating. It was liberating to let things go. Cleaning my closet was a very real-time, tangible lesson in taking a deep breath and letting go. Our possessions can become a part of the background, and when we stop seeing them, we stop appreciating them. Clearing out the clutter does more than open space in our closets and cupboards; it can freshen up the vista outside your window and open the door for something entirely new to enter your life.

(cue Babs)

What to do for Japan

The first one: a little rough.

In the face of such great damage and personal tragedy it's hard to know what to do and how to give. The flurry of news, being able to witness what was happening first hand from eyewitness accounts and every news outlet, made me feel helpless. And even though I have experience with strategic philanthropy I still get the feeling that I’m too far away for my $25 to make any sort of difference. Logically I'm thinking, there's still work to be done in Haiti, as there is still work to be done in New Orleans ... pick something to care about and stick with it. It feels fickle, jumping on the disaster bandwagon when there is still recovery work to be done in other areas. I realize life doesn't work this way; this is how systems play out, reverberating against each other. You don't get to solve one problem before another arises. Yet it contributes to the feeling of helplessness: are we just running around putting out fires or are we changing the way fires are started and dealt with? I have compassion fatigue. It's shutting me down and my money feels like the last thing that would help. I want to bring a casserole and a blanket, do the things that connect me as a human being.

So when I care deeply and I feel helpless, do I write a check? Whether that check actually makes a difference on the ground or the action simply makes me feel better shouldn’t negate the fact that I did something. Right? I think about giving with intention, which at its root is acting with intention. The simple act of doing something mindful directs energy toward the problem. I can't show up with a casserole and a blanket, but I can write a check. And if writing a check doesn't feel like the right response there are many other ways to direct my energy with intention. I was impressed with the campaign to fold paper cranes (this is a great site, love the creativity of young'uns!), and so, to keep my hands busy and my mind focused in prayer for those suffering, I started to fold.

Sometimes I wonder how having the world this connected (allowing us to emotionally participate in all the grief that's fit to print) is changing us. Will it deepen our ability for compassion? Or to the realization that the lines we draw on a map are arbitrary? It's given me the chance to think about how I can channel my sadness and fear. What action will do the most good? Right now its in folded bits of paper.

**Here's a great pdf guide to folding your own paper cranes!**

Behind the Scenes

Three weeks since I posted, and I’ll be honest, it feels like two days. A whirlwind of activity involving a trip to California, many networking coffee dates, focused writing for the novel, some work on the business plan, fundraising for my board work … and quite frankly, I just haven't been in the mood to write here. The biggest event of the last three weeks has been purchasing the mother of all fixer uppers. I'm going to be hard pressed to accomplish my list of goals this year with this grand old lady on the horizon. Here’s to streamlining and being intentional with every bit of time I have …

There are many things I want/need to write about, not least of which are some thoughts on the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. But today I wanted to reflect on a recent episode of Anthony Bourdain in Haiti. It was a tough episode to watch, as it seemed to be a tough episode to film. There is a pivotal moment when Anthony decides to buy all the remaining food from a woman cooking on the street and give it to the kids standing around watching them film, kids who haven't eaten in days. And what happens? As the observer you can just see it coming. Long queues form, someone uses a leather belt to whip back the crowds, and, as Anthony says, “it all turned to shit” (watch it here). You get that knot in your stomach that tells you that your 'help' did nothing but make you feel good about yourself for a moment; its how I’ve come to define the difference between charity and philanthropy. Philanthropy gets to the underlying issues and solves problems long term while charity takes away the pain for a moment. In order for real change to occur there needs to be a one-two punch, artfully constructing a new reality by weaving philanthropy throughout your charity.

Most importantly, if you wanna help people, you've gotta get down in the trenches and be with them (lovely to see Sean Penn in this episode showing how this is done). Anthony muses on the fact that the problem was thinking with his heart rather than his head, but in these situations it’s imperative to do both. This is where working with those you’re serving is key. If Anthony had asked the woman serving the food how best to distribute it, I bet she would have had some good ideas. Or maybe he could have selected some of the kids sitting at the table with him to work with the crew for the week in exchange for meals. It’s an impossible situation, one that people the world over are trying to solve. How do you meet the immediate needs while building and sustaining a way for people to move beyond immediate needs? It’s a balance between serving with your head and your heart, working logically with compassion.